When there’s Silence

 

 

You’re silent. He’s silent.

You’re hurt, angry and broken.  

Have you ever had an argument with your husband and he said something that dug up an old memory (flashback!) or, said something that just really hurt your feelings?

Personal Experience

I have had arguments with my husband (in fact, just the other day) and sometimes he hurts my feelings and the worst is when the argument struck up something from the past!

Oh, no he didn’t!

Yes, he did.

And then there was silence…

I start to cry. How could he?

Then, I start thinking:

  • He just done me wrong!
  • Does he know how much he owes me!
  • I’m done dealing with this!
  • He just doesn’t understand!    

The list continues (I’m on a roll)…

  • I should just leave!
  • I would be better on my own!
  • I don’t need him!
  • He’s nothing without me!

Maybe it’s just me that thinks this way…..nah, so do you! 🙂

Our Feelings

The silent treatment lasts for a day or two.

These feelings usually arise after multiple arguments. We let it build up. We get angry because, we think about all we have done to work on the marriage and save it. We remember the most hurtful offense (infidelity for example) and how we’ve forgiven them (did we really?).

We think about all the help we’ve gotten from others; wise (Godly) counsel (and he didn’t).  We’re just doing everything! We’ve even read books, articles and blogs to help get us through! We think, “what has he done (for me lately, LOL)?” I’m I right?

Lord, help us.  

That’s why we need Jesus! We’re just a hot mess!

More silence…

The Solution

Rid ourselves of being self-righteous. 

Let’s pause and pray;

Lord, please help us to be mindful of your presence. Help us to lean more toward you. We ask that you provide us love, peace and comfort. Holy Spirit remind us that in Christ we are made complete. Remind us that we are not at war with our husband, but against the principalities and powers in the heavenly realm (see Ephesians 6:12).

Silence…

We begin to think to ourselves:

  • We’re not perfect.
  • We’ve said some hurtful things to them as well.
  • If we’re honest, they may feel the same way about us.
  • We wouldn’t be better without them.

Let’s not allow ourselves to get all wrapped up in our own feelings.

Looking at the big picture, if the marriage we’re in is loving and supportive overall, an argument shouldn’t be a BIG (over exaggerated) deal. Truth be told, if we were in the word (Bible) daily, praying, seeking a relationship with God and have fellowship with others, chances are, we wouldn’t get our feelings hurt so easily.

Forgiveness

Be kind and helpful to one another, tender-hearted [compassionate, understanding], forgiving one another [readily and freely], just as God in Christ also forgave you. Ephesians 4:32 AMP

Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven! Matthew 18:21-22 NLT

Silence does no good.

When we give them the silent treatment, we’re only hurting ourselves more.

Often times, our husbands have already moved on and are not even thinking about the argument.  They’re clueless to how we are feeling.  In fact, they typically don’t understand and think we are down right crazy!

Instead, we should talk things over and let them know how they hurt our feelings and that we forgive them.  We need to let them know (or remind them) the most effective way to communicate with us.  Seek counsel if necessary.  Pray together.  Give it over to God.

We should ask for forgiveness as well.

The Summation of Marriage

For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.

For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body.

As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:22-33 NLT

What are your thoughts?  Please share your experience and comment.  I would love to hear from you!

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Peace and Blessings,

Shante

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